Anger Management vs I don't give a F***

(I hereby apologize for the possible amount of curse words that will follow)


Cheers to every conniving and self-centered son of a bitch in the world! Your best representative has just showed some work!
Because after 17 years of knowing someone I am now allegedly in love with that person
(I am not, he's not even my type)


and I asked his best friend to help me so that he wouldn't get back together with his girlfriend (this bestfriend of his is actually the only one of the people I'll mention that I've actually been in love with, a long time ago - and I didn't even know the couple wasn't together; hope eveything's ok)
(oh, and I haven't talked to this "bestfriend" in two months as he refused to talk to me).



At least now I know that the "friends" that stopped talking to me had as reason to do so the fact I made up so many "lies" that they got sick of me
(The only person I lied to amongst them was my ex-boyfriend when I said I loved him and I'm actually sorry for that).


And apparently I'm what you'd translate as "a fucking snobbish stuck-up"
(this is the only part I won't discuss, opinions are personal - and yes, I know snob and stuck-up are pretty much the same but I really must emphasize).



But facts are not personal.

You could blame me of covering up and being involved in the shit they made. You could blame me of having been involved with two guys of the group, though at different times, being the most shameful thing the fact that one of them wasn't exactly what you'd call available.

The truth is I'm human, I make mistakes and I can't control my heart nor sometimes my libido. But not of what you've accused me.


Now, all of you be happy, marry, have children... And just leave me the fuck alone because I'm tired of your shit and all the lies and the fact that you always find someone to blame. I do not need you, I'll miss the ones who I thought were the "bigger people" but I just don't need this. And when it concerns guys and me being interested in any of you, I've moved on... A long time ago.


And to you, always the mastermind, if you ever read this let me tell you that I now laugh just thinking of the day you told me you wanted to be a better person. Worse than me trying to be a bad girl was you posing as a good guy. I hope you lie your way to happiness as you've been doing all your life.

P.S.: Just go have a fucking great life.

Smile

Porque palavras são só palavras.

E algumas coisas não podem ser escritas porque nem tudo foi feito para ser escrito.

First twenty years (lack of inspiration)

It’s complicated when having so many things going on around you, you’re convinced you’re not able to write. It’s frustrating when you try to get inspired and nothing seems useful, you feel like you’re losing your only escape to the world where everything exactly like you want, nothing to make you upset if you don’t want it, just for kicks. No, I’m not running, I’ve quit the whole runaway thing, I’ve never been a runner and I’m sick of bullshit and people who are not worth my time.

I’m not particularly upset, I’m not referring to anyone specifically but I’m just laying down all the things that have bothered me for years, all the stupidity, all the people who think they’re just so much better than me when actually they’re just jealous because I’ve actually manage to survive their critics without becoming one of them. I’ve never wanted to be the popular one, I just wished they fucking left me alone. Yes, I managed to have friends that weren’t like me, they were respected and they got me protected that’s for sure but I didn’t have to kiss any ass to be around them. No, I didn’t drink or smoke just to look cool or fit in; I did it because I felt like doing it. I might have made mistakes but that’s part of the process and if then you were the ones who laughed at me now I’m sitting up here looking at you but not laughing because you’re just not worth it.

I’ve been played around, used to people’s advantage. Maybe I still am, I believe in the goodness of people even if I keep on getting disappointed. Though I always manage to get to know people who respect and love me for who I am. I curse, I still smoke and drink, I’m mean, I can hurt people deeply with just one sentence, I’m harsh, I’m cold, I’m a bitch and yes sometimes I’m heartless, that’s what I got as a result of years of “abuse” and I like it even if most of the times it’s just a sort of shield. I’m lovable, I’m sweet, I’m caring, I’m protective, I’m attentive, I genuinely care about people and I love to live; and nobody can’t take that away from me and from the people who get to see that part of me.

I won’t ever give up. Yes, I keep on being stubborn. And yes, I’ve planned on giving up on many things so far but I didn’t, I’m not a quitter, I couldn’t be even if I wanted. I’m not trying to play victim or show people that I’m much better than them, I’m just telling what’s been like ‘till now, showing what made me who I am. There’s much more to come but the first twenty years are almost over. I am happy: with who I am, the friends I have, the experiences I live, the places I’ve been to, the efforts I make and even the mistakes I make... I don’t know what or who I am but I am me and I’m not changing for anyone.


And this started with lack of inspiration and a song. (High Road – Fort Minor ft John Legend)