This is why children should not drink

How good it is to be out of this world reformulating songs that are at the same time so familiar but yet so strange?
Yes, I guess you can say that I'm high, too much absinthe for one's mind. There's nothing good for me to say. Unless I say that I'm happy, out of this world.
I dream of better times... Fuck it, when I'm drunk all is good.
Try it once, then do it all over again and tell me what you think of it, ok?


P.S.: Even though I can write in less sober states maybe the statements I try to convey are not the most correct ones. The truth is, once you let go and get just a tinny bit taste of freedom you notice it is too irresistible not to go all the way.
It's amazing how some people are at all times, even the most fuzzy ones, utterly reasonable. So when someone thinks that what you're doing is all due to alcohol you can laugh at that person's face and say "I've never lost touch of Reason".
Then, the most amazing things can happen at any given moment.

Tentativa (February 14th 2008)

Vieste inesperadamente
Despercebidamente te mostraste perante
O meu olhar distraído, para todas as coisas ausente
Impuseste-te como a brisa
Que corre teimar em dias de Verão
E fizeste com que a atenção que a nada disponho
Se centrasse em ti

A novidade materializada que como
Um raio de luz iluminou o vazio a que chamo
O meu corpo
A minha alma despertou após uma eternidade de
Descanso perante as inquietudes mortais
O meu coração abriu-se, revelando-se ao mundo

As maravilhas do efémero sentimento que
Me inundou como um mar bravio
Me dilacerou as entranhas
E se entranhou no meu ser que
(Imperfeito) não soube proteger o que de mais valioso possuía
A inocência

Maldito esse sentimento que um dia me
Obrigaste a reconhecer
Mal-fadada a falta de razão que tomou conta de mim
E não me deixou perceber que o que achei ser real e eterno
Nada mais era que ilusão temporária
Desfeita pelo vento do infortúnio que tomou conta da minha vida

Desejei nunca ter acordado
Ter permanecido no sono aparente que me resguardava
Da dor que se apoderou de mim quando simples palavras
Por ti descuidadamente proferidas
Como uma faca apunhalaram o meu coração
Mataram a nova vida por mim descoberta

Destruídos os sonhos ficou a realidade
Esta não aparenta nada que não seja
Não profere promessas que se vão com os tempos
Mostra o que é, dando o que tem
Uma hipótese de através da Razão
Atingirmos a idealizada Felicidade

Sounds

What a sense of smell and flashes of vivid colours rushing towards me... (I can almost taste the cinnamon..

I can almost feel the sandy wind and careless heat touching my skin...


Or is it the tiny drops in the mist around in the green fields facing me with roads yet to be travelled?


I still can smell the ocean breeze from where I come from, where white flakes of snow rarely come to my sight...

Yes, more than ever, I'm a citizen of the world.
All through music.

Felicidade

É em dias de Inverno, nos quais a chuva bate incessantemente contra a janela do nosso tão estimado quarto, que nós desejamos ser felizes.
Sim, porque no resto do ano temos o sol para nos enganar, para nos fazer pensar que o calor nos faz ‘transpirar felicidade’. Eu passeio-me pelos anos sem saber como é ser feliz.

Porque não gosto do sol, calor a mais, felicidade a mais, faz-me uma certa confusão. E não gosto da chuva, que estraga a imagem que preparei de mim mesma para o mundo nesse dia; que me faz lembrar noites de choro e de tristeza a mim já tão familiares.

Que é feito dos dias amenos em que me deitava na relva a olhar para o céu e a imaginar cenas de tempos antigos no formato das nuvens? Que é feito dos dias em que a paz de alma reinava e eu podia pensar que era tão fácil ser feliz só de ouvir pássaros a chilrear ou ver um nascer do sol depois de uma noite de chuva?

Suponho que nada na vida seja fácil, eu cresci e tornei-me complicada, e só a inocência faz tomar algo por fácil. Longe vai o tempo da inocência.

É neste dia de suposto Inverno em que paro e pergunto: Porque pensar na felicidade se sei que até sou feliz?

A diary (OMG) of a special (or not) evening

So it seems like it's Christmas Eve. Such a special and different day... Or not.

I can only tell it's Christmas by the lights sparkling on my Christmas tree and the fact that my mother and I are actually sitting for dinner together at the living room table.

Oh, and I went for a run, something I hadn't done in what... 6 years at least. I thought it would give a special touch to the evening, combined with the pizza I had for dinner. My advice to all that are completely lazy and smoke: running is HARD but you get through it once you can find a way to breathe.

And this is Christmas. Now I'll wait for Santa as I eat all his cookies.



P.S. How frustrating can it be to walk around downtown these days? Enough to make me lose my mind and write this sort of diary.

Absurd thoughts of an unocccupied mind

Foggy paths lead my way...

And I just can't get why the hell I'm standing here alone while I see all people around me singing along all the songs while holding someone in their arms.

Maybe I've messed my chances up and now I'm meant to be alone.

Maybe I got lost along the way and now I can't find my way back. Will I ever find my way back into someone's arms?


(Right now I understand that I'm being completely ridiculous and I start interrupting the people I've talked about. Because, after all, there's always a way to have fun while depressing xD)

All Around Us

Have you ever taken a minute to notice all that surrounds us? All the lights, all the sounds, all the little details that compose what revolves around us? All the people? All the leaves filling up the tree branches, all the clouds with silver linings in the sky, rivers reflecting the all the colors of the rainbow, a fish swimming upstream…..

I feel the raindrops falling on my face and suddenly I realize I’m part of something that’s bigger, much bigger than myself. It might be because a glimpse of all the happiness I could feel has struck me suddenly in a way I never thought it could. And all of a sudden I feel like living.

I mean, truly living, not what I’m used to do everyday. I’m determined to notice all the colors a sky can turn into, all the emotions your face can express, all the meanings of the tears running down my face, see what love is all about, love myself and all I see.

I wish I’d seen it all before, I wish had gone up that mountain and tried to touch the clouds, I wish I’d ran through that unknown path down the hill and fallen into that pit just to know how that felt like. Getting hurt would have only made me stronger.

I wish I’d sung all the songs that were in my heart, to you and to all that didn’t want to hear me. I wish I’d danced in the rain and felt like I was free but I wasn’t free enough to let myself do that.

I wish I’d gone away when things were getting too dark, when fear clouded my mind. I wish I’d found you at the end of the road telling me where to go next and that you’d gone with me so I wouldn’t have to walk alone anymore.

I wish I would have dreamt all the wonderful things I was missing so that I would wake up to see them come true.

The truth is, I’m still dreaming.